My heart is empty. All the fountains that should run
With longing, are in me
Dried up. In all my countryside there is not one
That drips to find the sea.
I have no care for anything thy love can grant
Except the moment's vain
And hardly noticed filling of the moment's want
And to be free from pain.
Oh, thou that art unwearying, that dost neither sleep
Nor slumber, who didst take
All care for Lazarus in the careless tomb, oh keep
Watch for me till I wake.
If thou think for me what I cannot think, if thou
Desire for me what I
Cannot desire, my soul's interior Form, though now
Deep-buried, will not die,
- No more than the insensible dropp'd seed which grows
Through winter ripe for birth
Because, while it forgets, the heaven remembering throws
Sweet influence still on earth,
- Because the heaven, moved moth-like by thy beauty, goes
Still turning round the earth.
C.S. Lewis, The Pilgrim's Regress
Tuesday, 3 December 2013
Tuesday, 29 October 2013
Psalm 143
1 Lord, hear my prayer,
listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief.
2 Do not bring your servant into judgment,
for no one living is righteous before you.
3 The enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in the darkness
like those long dead.
4 So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed.
5 I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.
6 I spread out my hands to you;
I thirst for you like a parched land.[a]
listen to my cry for mercy;
in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief.
2 Do not bring your servant into judgment,
for no one living is righteous before you.
3 The enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in the darkness
like those long dead.
4 So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed.
5 I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.
6 I spread out my hands to you;
I thirst for you like a parched land.[a]
7 Answer me quickly, Lord;
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit.
8 Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I entrust my life.
9 Rescue me from my enemies, Lord,
for I hide myself in you.
10 Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground.
my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit.
8 Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I entrust my life.
9 Rescue me from my enemies, Lord,
for I hide myself in you.
10 Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
lead me on level ground.
11 For your name’s sake, Lord, preserve my life;
in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.
12 In your unfailing love, silence my enemies;
destroy all my foes,
for I am your servant.
in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.
12 In your unfailing love, silence my enemies;
destroy all my foes,
for I am your servant.
Wednesday, 7 August 2013
His smile
"Make ready for the Christ, whose smile - like lightning - sets free the song of everlasting glory that now sleeps, in your paper flesh - like dynamite."
Thomas Merton
Sunday, 12 May 2013
just do the next thing
We need no new doctrine, no new movement, no “key”, no imported evangelist or expensive “course” to show us the way. It is before us as clear as a four–lane highway.
To an inquirer I would say, “Just do the next thing you know you should do to carry out the will of the Lord. If there is sin in your life, quit it instantly. Put away lying, gossiping, dishonesty, or whatever your sin may be. Forsake worldly pleasures, extravagance in spending, vanity in dress, in your car, in your home. Get right with any person you may have wronged. Forgive everyone who may have wronged you. Begin to use your money to help the poor and advance the cause of Christ. Take up the Cross and live sacrificially. Pray, attend the Lord’s services- Witness for Christ, not only when it is convenient, but when you know you should. Look to no cost and fear no consequences. Study the Bible to learn the will of God and then do His will as you understand it. Start now by doing the next thing, and then go on from there.”
A. W. Tozer
preaching
"you should preach the truth, not just your opinion; you should preach the good news, not just good advice; and you should preach to make the truth real to the heart, not just clear to the mind."
prayer
The saint may expect to discover deeper experience and to know more of the higher spiritual life by being much in prayer. There are different translations of my text. One version renders it, “I will show you great and fortified things, which you do not know.” Another reads, “Great and reserved things, which you do not know.”
Now, all the developments of spiritual life are not alike easy of attainment. There are the common frames and feelings of repentance, and faith, and joy, and hope, which are enjoyed by the entire family; but there is an upper realm of rapture, of communion, and conscious union with Christ, which is far from being the common dwelling place of Believers.
All Believers see Christ, but all Believers do not put their fingers into the prints of the nails, nor thrust their hand into His side. We have not the high privilege of John to lean upon Jesus’ bosom, nor of Paul to be caught up into the Third Heaven. In the Ark of salvation we find a lower, second and third story; all are in the Ark, but all are not on the same story. Most Christians, as to the river of experience, are only up to their ankles; some others have waded till the stream is up to their knees; a fewfind it chest high; and but a few—oh, how few!—find it a river to swim in, the bottom of which they cannot touch. My Brothers and Sisters, there are heights in experimental knowledge of the things of God which the eagle’s eyes of acumen and philosophical thought have never seen; and there are secret paths which the lion’s whelp of reason and judgment have not as yet learned to travel. God alone can bear us there; but the chariot in which He takes us up, and the fiery steeds with which that chariot is dragged, are prevailing PRAYERS.
- Charles Spurgeon
http://www.spurgeongems.org/vols10-12/chs619.pdf
Now, all the developments of spiritual life are not alike easy of attainment. There are the common frames and feelings of repentance, and faith, and joy, and hope, which are enjoyed by the entire family; but there is an upper realm of rapture, of communion, and conscious union with Christ, which is far from being the common dwelling place of Believers.
All Believers see Christ, but all Believers do not put their fingers into the prints of the nails, nor thrust their hand into His side. We have not the high privilege of John to lean upon Jesus’ bosom, nor of Paul to be caught up into the Third Heaven. In the Ark of salvation we find a lower, second and third story; all are in the Ark, but all are not on the same story. Most Christians, as to the river of experience, are only up to their ankles; some others have waded till the stream is up to their knees; a fewfind it chest high; and but a few—oh, how few!—find it a river to swim in, the bottom of which they cannot touch. My Brothers and Sisters, there are heights in experimental knowledge of the things of God which the eagle’s eyes of acumen and philosophical thought have never seen; and there are secret paths which the lion’s whelp of reason and judgment have not as yet learned to travel. God alone can bear us there; but the chariot in which He takes us up, and the fiery steeds with which that chariot is dragged, are prevailing PRAYERS.
- Charles Spurgeon
http://www.spurgeongems.org/vols10-12/chs619.pdf
Monday, 28 January 2013
the choice is mine
"Strange place, this soul of mine. I think it is more place than person. It rings with whatever enters, be it high thoughts of the seated Christ or idle rhymes of any poet. The soul does not seem to mind what it is occupied with, but only cares that it be kept occupied. It is passive as to choice. I choose, my soul responds, with ringing laughter, emotion, or pure worship. It is a tool, not a craftsman, and must be controlled. It is as amoral as a bed, but beds can become places of illegitimate activity. Son of God, Purger of the inner parts, Discerner of my sittings down, my risings, wilt Thou hallow this soul of mine? The choice is mine, you say? Ah yes, the choice is mine."
- Jim Elliot
Friday, 2 November 2012
ashamed to repent?
"...I have since often observed how incongruous and irrational the common temper of mankind is, especially of youth, to that reason which ought to guide them in such cases, viz., that they are not ashamed to sin, and yet are ashamed to repent; nor ashamed of the action for which they ought justly to be esteemed fools, but are ashamed of the returning, which only can make them be esteemed wise men."
- Defoe, "Robinson Crusoe"
- Defoe, "Robinson Crusoe"
Tuesday, 23 October 2012
the greatest thing in the world
by Henry Drummond
If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Introduction
If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues,they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Introduction
- Love is the summum bonum - the supreme good
- God is love - 1 John 4:16
- Love is the fulfilment of the law - Romans 13:8
- With eloquence - Hollow, brazen without love. The language of love, understood by all, pours forth its unconscious eloquence
- With faith - Faith is to connect the soul with God, that he may become like God. God is love. The end is greater than the means.
- With charity, with prophesy - the whole (love) is greater than these parts
Love analysed
- Love - a compound, like light. Through the prism of Paul's inspired intellect: the Spectrum of Love, the analysis of love
- All the elements are in relation to men, in relation to life, in relation to the known today and the near tomorrow, and not to the unknown eternity
- We hear much of love to God; Christ spoke much of love to man. We make a great deal of peace with heaven; Christ made much of peace on earth. Religion is not a strange or added thing, but the inspiration of the secular life, the breathing of an eternal spirit through this temporal world.
- Love is patience. This is the normal attitude of love; love passive; love waiting to begin; not in a hurry; calm; ready to do its work when the summon comes, but meantime wearing the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit. Love suffers long, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things. For love understands, and therefore waits.
- Love is kindness. Love active. Note the proportion of time Christ spent making people happy. God has put in our power the happiness of those about us - secured largely by our being kind to them. How much the world needs it. How easily it is done. How fallibly it is remembered. God is love. Therefore love. Without distinction, without calculation, without procrastination, love. Don't "try to please" but "give pleasure" - the ceaseless and anonymous triumph of a truly loving spirit. "I shall pass through this world but once. Any good thing therefore that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer it or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again."
- Love is generosity. "Love envieth not." Love is not in competition with others. Envy only the large, rich, generous soul which "envieth not".
- Love is humility. Having learned the above, to put a seal on your lips and forget what you have done. After you have been kind, after love has stolen forth into the world and done its beautiful work, go back into the shade again and say nothing about it. Love hides even from itself. Love waives even self-satisfaction.
- Love is courtesy. "Love is not rude." The secret of politeness is to love. Courtesy is love in the little things.
- Love is unselfishness. "Love seeketh not her own" - even that which is her own. Love not only gives up, but forgets our rights. There is no greatness in things. The only greatness is unselfish love. Nothing is a hardship to love - Christ's yoke is easy. Love is an easier and a happier way than any other. There is no unhappiness in having or getting, but only in giving. It is more blessed to give than to receive.
- Love is a good temper. Anger - a sin of the disposition. Not viewed as seriously as sins of the body (eg. prodigal son) but it embitters life, breaks up communities, destroys sacred relationships, withers people - it is sheer gratuitous misery-producing power. Temper is a test for love, a symptom, a revelation of the nature at bottom. It is the intermittent fever which bespeaks unintermittent disease within; the occasional bubble escaping to the surface which betrays some rottenness underneath...for a want of patience, a want of kindness, a want of courtesy, a want of unselfishness, are all instantaneously symbolised in one flash of Temper. We must go to the source to deal with the temper, we must change the inmost nature. Sweetness not by taking out bitterness, but by adding a sweetener, a purifier, a transformer: the Spirit of Christ. Neither willpower nor time changes men, but Christ does. It is better not to live than not to love.
- Love is guilelessness and sincerity. You will find that the people who influence you are the people who believe in you. Love "thinketh no evil"...but "rejoiceth in the truth". Sincerity includes the self-restraint which refuses to make capital out of others' faults; the charity which delights not in exposing the weakness of others, but "covers all things"; the sincerity of purpose which endeavors to see things as they are, and rejoices to find them better than suspicion feared or calumny denounced.
- Love is learnt by practice. Exercising the muscle of the soul to gain strength of character, moral fiber, spiritual growth.
- Do not complain of your cares and vexations. Above all, do not resent temptation; do not be perplexed because it seems to thicken round you more and more, and ceases neither for effort nor for agony nor prayer. That is the patience, which God appoints you; and it is having its work in making you patient, and humble, and generous, and unselfish, and kind, and courteous. Do not grudge the hand that is moulding the still too shapeless image within you. It is growing more beautiful though you see it not, and every touch of temptation may add to its perfection. Therefore keep in the midst of life.
Thursday, 11 October 2012
A Grief Observed
All reality is iconoclastic. The earthly beloved, even in this life, incessantly triumphs over your mere idea of her. And you want her to; you want her with all her resistances, all her faults, all her unexpectedness. That is, in her foursquare and independent reality. And this, not any image or memory, is what we are to love still, after she is dead.
And, I would argue, when she is alive, too. As odd as it sounds, we can be thankful for the thousands of little disagreements that season the marital relationship, the countless differences of perspective that make it alive. These indicate that you are interacting with an independent being, one you’ve been entrusted with to love sacrificially.
C.S. Lewis
And, I would argue, when she is alive, too. As odd as it sounds, we can be thankful for the thousands of little disagreements that season the marital relationship, the countless differences of perspective that make it alive. These indicate that you are interacting with an independent being, one you’ve been entrusted with to love sacrificially.
C.S. Lewis
Saturday, 4 February 2012
object of love
The worth and excellency of a soul is to be measured by the object of its love.
- Henry Scougal
Wednesday, 5 October 2011
emotion vs reality
Found this while blog surfing:
Emotion: I feel sad; therefore, something must be missing from my life.
Reality: “You make known to me the path of life; in Your presence there is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” (Ps. 16:11)
Emotion: I feel anxious; therefore, God isn’t truly in control.
Reality: “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.” (Matt. 10:29-31)
Emotion: I feel discouraged; therefore, I cannot handle my circumstances.
Reality: “I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” (Phil. 4:12-13)
Emotion: I feel happy; therefore, God is happy with me.
Reality: “But this is the one to whom I will look: he who is humble and contrite in spirit and trembles at My word.” (Isa. 66:2)
Emotion: I feel guilty; therefore, I must not be forgiven.
Reality: “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Rom. 8:1)
Saturday, 1 October 2011
hunger for You
I'm yearning to draw close to God.
Have had a thought on my mind lately:
I was made to be satisfied in Him.
I was made to be satisfied.
In Him.
I'm not going to look for answers anywhere else.
I'm not going to look anywhere else for love, for acceptance, for understanding, for closeness, for what I think my soul needs.
I'm just gonna wait right here on God.
He is my only answer, my only satisfaction.
He calls me to cast my cares upon Him...and so I do.
Here is my heart and all it's burdens.
Not a single one of Your promises will fail.
I can already feel rejoicing rising up in me...because I can see what is coming even in the distance. You will surely come.
:)
*
Here in the quiet speak to me now
My ears are open to
Your gentle sweet whispering
Break down the door, come inside
Shine down Your bright light
I need a lamp for my feet, I need a lamp for my feet
I want to hear the thunder of who You are
To be captured inside the wonder of who You are
I want to live I want to breathe
To search out Your heart and all of Your mysteries
You were the first and You’ll be the end
Time cannot hold You down
Why save a wretch like me?
No eye has seen, no ear has heard
No heart could fully know
All of Your mystery
Your glory burns in the stars
Shine down your light let it burn in my heart
Bring me to glory, bring me to you
Lord it’s your heart that I will hold onto
Your glory burns in the stars
Shine down Your light let me know who You are
Jesus, Your glory burns in the stars
Shine down Your light, let me see You, let me see You
I was made to be satisfied.
In Him.
I'm not going to look for answers anywhere else.
I'm not going to look anywhere else for love, for acceptance, for understanding, for closeness, for what I think my soul needs.
I'm just gonna wait right here on God.
He is my only answer, my only satisfaction.
He calls me to cast my cares upon Him...and so I do.
Here is my heart and all it's burdens.
Not a single one of Your promises will fail.
I can already feel rejoicing rising up in me...because I can see what is coming even in the distance. You will surely come.
:)
*
Here in the quiet speak to me now
My ears are open to
Your gentle sweet whispering
Break down the door, come inside
Shine down Your bright light
I need a lamp for my feet, I need a lamp for my feet
I want to hear the thunder of who You are
To be captured inside the wonder of who You are
I want to live I want to breathe
To search out Your heart and all of Your mysteries
You were the first and You’ll be the end
Time cannot hold You down
Why save a wretch like me?
No eye has seen, no ear has heard
No heart could fully know
All of Your mystery
Your glory burns in the stars
Shine down your light let it burn in my heart
Bring me to glory, bring me to you
Lord it’s your heart that I will hold onto
Your glory burns in the stars
Shine down Your light let me know who You are
Jesus, Your glory burns in the stars
Shine down Your light, let me see You, let me see You
Thursday, 15 September 2011
guaranteed heaven
"Now suppose both death and hell were utterly defeated. Suppose the fight was fixed. Suppose God took you on a crystal ball trip into your future and you saw with indubitable certainty that despite everything — your sin, your smallness, your stupidity — you could have free for the asking your whole crazy heart’s deepest desire: heaven, eternal joy. Would you not return fearless and singing? What can earth do to you, if you are guaranteed heaven? To fear the worst earthly loss would be like a millionaire fearing the loss of a penny — less, a scratch on a penny."
Peter Kreeft, Heaven
Peter Kreeft, Heaven
Saturday, 3 September 2011
rooted and rich
Dear Lord,
*
Rooted and Grounded in Love
“That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth, and height—to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God” (Ephesians 3:17-19).
Rooted and grounded here means “to build under you a deep and stable foundation of knowing and understanding the love of God to you.” In other words, the knowledge of God’s love to you is the foundational truth upon which all others truths must be built!
For example, this is what the fear of God is built upon. A holy fear of God is not a dread that he is ready to strike you down if you are caught in some little fault. Rather, it is the dread of his holiness against rebellion—and of what he does to those who love darkness rather than light.
Christians who live in guilt, fear and condemnation are not “rooted and grounded” in the love of God. Our heavenly Father sent his Son to die for our sins and weaknesses. And without fully knowing and fully understanding that kind of love to you, you will never have a stable or permanent foundation!
“[That you] . . . may be able to comprehend . . . the love of Christ” (Ephesians 3:18-19). The Greek word for comprehend here suggests “to eagerly seize or lay hold of.” The apostle Paul means for you to seize this truth and make it the foundation of your Christian life. He is telling you to put your spiritual hands out and say, “I am going to lay hold of this!”
Perhaps you are assaulted by a temptation you can’t seem to shake off. Or maybe you carry a sense of never measuring up, of unworthiness—a fear that the devil is going to trip you up and you are going to fail God.
This is the day for you to wake up to God’s love for you! I pray that as you read this message, something will strike deep in your heart, and you will be able to say, “You’re right, Brother Dave. That’s me and I don’t want to live this way!” I pray that you will get hold of this truth—that it will open your eyes and help you enter a whole new realm of joy and peace in your daily walk with him.
*
Stop Living Like A Pauper!
Let me be so strongly rooted and established in Your love, so much that I will never again heed these voices of fear, guilt and condemnation. You know how I've been feeling this sense of defeat in every area of my life for so many months now. You know my weariness...my lack of confidence that I will ever complete anything...my loneliness in my struggles.
Thank You...for the way that You constantly bring me back into the Body of Christ. It's an amazing blessing to worship You with them, to be able to pray together, for each other and for the world.
Thank You for hearing every prayer I've prayed, and every prayer my friends have prayed for me. I know that it was You who lifted my spirit when I was crushed; it was Your presence speaking peace and comfort to me when I heard accusations.
Thank You for dear friends, who have loved me so unconditionally. Help me to love them better too, and to remember them in prayer.
Thank You for Your promises: that You will NEVER forsake me, that You WILL complete the work that You have started in me.
Oh Lord, lift my eyes, and let me behold You. Let me see Your glory. Let me understand another dimension of just how much higher Your ways are above mine. Let me be so grounded in my identity in You, that I would not live like a pauper, like an orphan, when my Father is the King. Let my life honour You. Lift my eyes, Lord.
Free me from my procrastination. Redeem the time in my life. May I be emptied of all my own agendas, to be used for Your purposes.
Search my heart and mind, and sieve out the impurities. I know there will be pain, but Lord, help me through it! I know there are things my flesh doesn't want to get rid off, but Lord, wrench them from me, please.
I want to pray as Paul did for the Ephesians: that You would give us the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that we may know You better. I pray that the eyes of our hearts may be enlightened in order that we may know the hope to which You have called us, the riches of Your glorious inheritance in Your holy people, and Your incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength You exerted when You raised Christ from the dead and seated him at Your right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And You placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.
I want to pray as Paul did for the Ephesians: that You would give us the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that we may know You better. I pray that the eyes of our hearts may be enlightened in order that we may know the hope to which You have called us, the riches of Your glorious inheritance in Your holy people, and Your incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength You exerted when You raised Christ from the dead and seated him at Your right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And You placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.
All these things I claim, because You have loved me and called me Your child! In Jesus' name, Amen!
*
David Wilkerson devotionals:
Rooted and Grounded in Love
“That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth, and height—to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God” (Ephesians 3:17-19).
Rooted and grounded here means “to build under you a deep and stable foundation of knowing and understanding the love of God to you.” In other words, the knowledge of God’s love to you is the foundational truth upon which all others truths must be built!
For example, this is what the fear of God is built upon. A holy fear of God is not a dread that he is ready to strike you down if you are caught in some little fault. Rather, it is the dread of his holiness against rebellion—and of what he does to those who love darkness rather than light.
Christians who live in guilt, fear and condemnation are not “rooted and grounded” in the love of God. Our heavenly Father sent his Son to die for our sins and weaknesses. And without fully knowing and fully understanding that kind of love to you, you will never have a stable or permanent foundation!
“[That you] . . . may be able to comprehend . . . the love of Christ” (Ephesians 3:18-19). The Greek word for comprehend here suggests “to eagerly seize or lay hold of.” The apostle Paul means for you to seize this truth and make it the foundation of your Christian life. He is telling you to put your spiritual hands out and say, “I am going to lay hold of this!”
Perhaps you are assaulted by a temptation you can’t seem to shake off. Or maybe you carry a sense of never measuring up, of unworthiness—a fear that the devil is going to trip you up and you are going to fail God.
This is the day for you to wake up to God’s love for you! I pray that as you read this message, something will strike deep in your heart, and you will be able to say, “You’re right, Brother Dave. That’s me and I don’t want to live this way!” I pray that you will get hold of this truth—that it will open your eyes and help you enter a whole new realm of joy and peace in your daily walk with him.
*
Stop Living Like A Pauper!
Are you tired of living like a pauper when everything you need has been provided? Perhaps your focus is wrong. Do you tend to dwell on your weaknesses, temptations and past failures? When you look inside your own heart does what you see discourage you? Have you allowed guilt to seep in?
Beloved, you are to be looking unto Jesus, the Author and Finisher of your faith! When Satan comes and points at some weakness in your heart, you have every right to answer, “My God already knows it all and he still loves me! He has given me everything I need to attain victory and keep it.”
“For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things” (1 John 3:20). He knows all about you—and he still loves you enough to say, “Come on in and get all you need. The storehouse is open!”
The doors to his storehouse are wide open, and his riches are full to overflowing. God is urging you: “Come boldly to the throne of grace, that [you] may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16).
How many years have you been on the outside? You have a Father who has been laying up a great treasure of provision for you and yet you have left it unclaimed.
The parable of the Prodigal Son shows us that by going in and enjoying his father’s treasure, the Prodigal had it both ways. He could live his earthly life with the abundant forgiveness, joy, peace and rest that were his and when death brought him into his eternal inheritance, he would fully enjoy what he had already known on earth.
Indeed, the greater sin was committed by the older brother—the one who stayed home, walked obediently and never failed his father. Yes, it is a sin to waste our Father’s substance on sensual living and a runaway spirit, but it is an even greater sin to rebuff God’s great love—to leave unclaimed the bountiful resources he gave to us at such a great price.
The Prodigal was not chastised, rebuked and reminded of his sin, because God would not allow sin to be the focus of restoration! There had been true repentance and godly sorrow and it was time to move on to the banquet table—to the feast. The father said to the older son, “He was lost, but now he is in the house again. He is forgiven and it is time to rejoice and be happy!”
*
Go To The Storehouse!
Here is how you go to God’s storehouse and get what you need;
1. Come boldly to his throne and ask largely for all the grace and mercy you need to see you through every temptation and trial. The devil has a million ways to make you feel guilty, fearful, condemned and confused and he’ll tell you, “You feel this way because you’ve got junk in your heart!” But I stopped looking in my heart a long time ago, because it’s always black. Yet it is white to my Father because it is covered with the blood of the Lamb! It does not matter how you feel. Simply look to God’s Word for what Jesus has done. He has wiped your slate clean!
2. Remind God that it was his idea for you to come in. You did not go the Lord saying, “Father, I want everything you have!” He invited you in saying, “All I have is yours. Come and get it!”
3. Take God at his Word! The Bible says that everything he has for us is obtained by faith. You need only say in faith, “Lord Jesus, flood me with your peace because you have said it is mine! I claim rest for my soul.” You cannot work this up. You cannot sing or praise it down. It comes from being rooted and grounded in a revelation of God’s love for you. This comes not in a feeling but rather in the Word that he himself has spoken: “In my house is bread enough to spare!”
4. Take God’s Word and hammer all your fear, guilt and condemnation to pieces! Reject it all—it is not of God! You can say, “Let the devil come at me with his lies. My Father knows it already, and he has forgiven and cleansed me. There is no guilt or condemnation toward me. I am free!”
Beloved, I believe that if you ask the Spirit right now to help you seize this truth—to get rooted and grounded in it—the coming days will be the greatest you have ever had. You can say, “Lord Jesus, I know I am going to make mistakes, but nothing is going to shake me because you have everything I need to attain the victory and to live in it.”
Come into his storehouse and claim all that is yours from your loving Father!
Beloved, you are to be looking unto Jesus, the Author and Finisher of your faith! When Satan comes and points at some weakness in your heart, you have every right to answer, “My God already knows it all and he still loves me! He has given me everything I need to attain victory and keep it.”
“For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things” (1 John 3:20). He knows all about you—and he still loves you enough to say, “Come on in and get all you need. The storehouse is open!”
The doors to his storehouse are wide open, and his riches are full to overflowing. God is urging you: “Come boldly to the throne of grace, that [you] may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16).
How many years have you been on the outside? You have a Father who has been laying up a great treasure of provision for you and yet you have left it unclaimed.
The parable of the Prodigal Son shows us that by going in and enjoying his father’s treasure, the Prodigal had it both ways. He could live his earthly life with the abundant forgiveness, joy, peace and rest that were his and when death brought him into his eternal inheritance, he would fully enjoy what he had already known on earth.
Indeed, the greater sin was committed by the older brother—the one who stayed home, walked obediently and never failed his father. Yes, it is a sin to waste our Father’s substance on sensual living and a runaway spirit, but it is an even greater sin to rebuff God’s great love—to leave unclaimed the bountiful resources he gave to us at such a great price.
The Prodigal was not chastised, rebuked and reminded of his sin, because God would not allow sin to be the focus of restoration! There had been true repentance and godly sorrow and it was time to move on to the banquet table—to the feast. The father said to the older son, “He was lost, but now he is in the house again. He is forgiven and it is time to rejoice and be happy!”
*
Go To The Storehouse!
Here is how you go to God’s storehouse and get what you need;
1. Come boldly to his throne and ask largely for all the grace and mercy you need to see you through every temptation and trial. The devil has a million ways to make you feel guilty, fearful, condemned and confused and he’ll tell you, “You feel this way because you’ve got junk in your heart!” But I stopped looking in my heart a long time ago, because it’s always black. Yet it is white to my Father because it is covered with the blood of the Lamb! It does not matter how you feel. Simply look to God’s Word for what Jesus has done. He has wiped your slate clean!
2. Remind God that it was his idea for you to come in. You did not go the Lord saying, “Father, I want everything you have!” He invited you in saying, “All I have is yours. Come and get it!”
3. Take God at his Word! The Bible says that everything he has for us is obtained by faith. You need only say in faith, “Lord Jesus, flood me with your peace because you have said it is mine! I claim rest for my soul.” You cannot work this up. You cannot sing or praise it down. It comes from being rooted and grounded in a revelation of God’s love for you. This comes not in a feeling but rather in the Word that he himself has spoken: “In my house is bread enough to spare!”
4. Take God’s Word and hammer all your fear, guilt and condemnation to pieces! Reject it all—it is not of God! You can say, “Let the devil come at me with his lies. My Father knows it already, and he has forgiven and cleansed me. There is no guilt or condemnation toward me. I am free!”
Beloved, I believe that if you ask the Spirit right now to help you seize this truth—to get rooted and grounded in it—the coming days will be the greatest you have ever had. You can say, “Lord Jesus, I know I am going to make mistakes, but nothing is going to shake me because you have everything I need to attain the victory and to live in it.”
Come into his storehouse and claim all that is yours from your loving Father!
Friday, 2 September 2011
troubled soul
"Troubled soul, thou art not bound to feel but thou art bound to arise. God loves thee whether thou feelest or not. Thou canst not love when thou wilt, but thou art bound to fight the hatred in thee to the last. Try not to feel good when thou art not good, but cry to Him who is good. He changes not because thou changest. Nay, He has an especial tenderness of love toward thee for that thou art in the dark and hast no light, and His heart is glad when thou doest arise and say, "I will go to my Father." ...Fold the arms of thy faith, and wait in the quietness until light goes up in thy darkness. For the arms of thy Faith I say, but not of thy Action: bethink thee of something that thou oughtest to do, and go to do it, if it be but the sweeping of a room, or the preparing of a meal, or a visit to a friend. Heed not thy feeling. Do thy work."
- George MacDonald
whole heart
"[King Amaziah] did what was right in the eyes of the Lord, but not wholeheartedly." 2 Chron 25:2
"[King Rehoboam] did evil because he had not set his heart on seeking the Lord." 2 Chron 12:14
I won't be satisfied with just doing the right things.
I want my heart to be ablaze with love for my King, my mind to be insatiable for knowledge of the living God.
May my whole heart be given over to pursuit of You, Lord! May Thy goodness like a fetter bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Thursday, 1 September 2011
more and more
"Finally, brothers, we instructed you how to live in order to please God, as in fact you are living. Now we ask you and urge you in the Lord Jesus to do this more and more. For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus." 1 Thes 4:1-2 [emphases added]
The most mature and least mature among us should be challenged alike: live for God more and more. When I read these verses, I realise again: there are deeper things waiting for me.
Wednesday, 29 June 2011
music
“God gave music the power to carry his light into the darkness. That’s a mighty privilege. It means intentionally telling stories and writing songs that bear truth that outlasts the songs themselves. If I did this in hopes of thunderous applause and piles of cash, I would have quit years ago. But there are moments on the stage when I sense something magical, a connection with the band and the audience, when our stories intersect and suddenly we’re wading in an ancient river. Suddenly the song is secondary to the greater story being told through each of us.” —Andrew Peterson
Friday, 17 June 2011
new every morning
Just found this :)
Audrey Assad:
I’m struck this morning by the quiet, persistent insistence of God’s constant re-Creation. The barren trees sleep through the winter and blossom again in the sun of springtime; the grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, and a thousand more are sown. (John 12:24) And again, like so many mornings before this, a new day breaks; no day like today has ever or will ever be lived; it is new, fully and completely, different from each day before and after it.
Faith enlightens my vision so that I can see that God, who loves me far more than He loves the trees and the wheat and the morning, is re-Creating me. I am free to walk in the light. Maybe yesterday I forgot Him, or maybe I sinned against Him, but today is new, and so am I. I’ve got to live like I’m new, for faith and the Word of God tell me that God has made me so.
Today I am thankful for new beginnings, for fresh starts, and the mercies of God, which are new every morning.
Lamentations 3:22-23, NAB ”The favors of the LORD are not exhausted, his mercies are not spent. They are renewed each morning, so great is his faithfulness.”
1 John 1:9, NAB; “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just, and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
Psalm 51:19, NAB; “My sacrifice, God, is a broken spirit; God, do not spurn a broken and humbled heart.”
Audrey Assad:
I’m struck this morning by the quiet, persistent insistence of God’s constant re-Creation. The barren trees sleep through the winter and blossom again in the sun of springtime; the grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, and a thousand more are sown. (John 12:24) And again, like so many mornings before this, a new day breaks; no day like today has ever or will ever be lived; it is new, fully and completely, different from each day before and after it.
Faith enlightens my vision so that I can see that God, who loves me far more than He loves the trees and the wheat and the morning, is re-Creating me. I am free to walk in the light. Maybe yesterday I forgot Him, or maybe I sinned against Him, but today is new, and so am I. I’ve got to live like I’m new, for faith and the Word of God tell me that God has made me so.
Today I am thankful for new beginnings, for fresh starts, and the mercies of God, which are new every morning.
Lamentations 3:22-23, NAB ”The favors of the LORD are not exhausted, his mercies are not spent. They are renewed each morning, so great is his faithfulness.”
1 John 1:9, NAB; “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just, and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
Psalm 51:19, NAB; “My sacrifice, God, is a broken spirit; God, do not spurn a broken and humbled heart.”
Wednesday, 22 September 2010
the truth is who you are
I like this song and these thoughts.
Mike Donehey:
Maybe this song won’t be a revolutionary thought for you, but it has been for me. Probably for the last two years or so, this is the thing I have felt that God has been teaching me. Or should I say, the thing that He has been beating me over the head with. Truth is a person.
“I am the way, the truth, and the life, and no one comes to the Father but by me.”
-Jesus
How did I miss that for so long? I don’t know. Maybe it was growing up in the church, maybe it was Christian school, maybe it was the fact that I have an enemy in myself and in the devil, but man! Why has it taken so long to sink in?
I remember going through this phase when I first entered college, when all that mattered were answers. I had to have the answer for everything. No matter what the question was, no matter what someone was going through, I had to have something to say. Some verse to reference, some bit of advice to give. And I really thought that I was pretty awesome. I mean, I was enlightening minds and helping people, I was really exceptional. Or so I thought.
Little did I know at the time, but most times when I was wheeling out advice and giving out answers, I was actually coming across as a royal jerk. People would come to me with some heavy news: a broken relationship, news of a death in their family, something like that. And what would I do? I’d just write up a little prescription for them by way of the Bible. “Don’t worry brother! God works all things together for good!
Not that the promises of God aren’t true all the time, they are. But the thing is, just because we have promises, doesn’t necessarily mean there’s answers. At least, not the way we’re looking for. And that’s why God tells me to feel it before I try to fix it. “Weep with those who weep. Rejoice with those who rejoice.” That’s what I’m called to do. Before I try to know everything and have a solution for everything and everyone, first I need to learn to sit down and weep with people. Before I try to put a band aid on their wounds, I need to actually feel the wound myself. I mean, isn’t that what Jesus did for us? He felt before He fixed. He hurt before He healed. He became flesh and dwelt among us.
And so, this changes things. This means that it doesn’t matter how much Scripture and philosophy I know, what matters is what I do with it. Ironically, having a lot of information about Jesus can often be the very thing that keeps us from Him. We delude ourselves into thinking that Jesus is nothing more than a fact on a page. An idea to comprehend, a moral to ascribe to. And believe me, He’s much more than that. He is our life, our breath, and the pulse within our veins. He is before, behind, and all around. Over. Underneath. Inside. In between.
And I want to know Him this way. As bread and wine. As flesh and blood. As a lover, a wife, as the life within. I’m tired of my knowledge turning to arrogance. I’m tired of information turning to superiority. I want to encounter Him, and have that encounter change the way I see the world. Don’t you?
So for now, I’ll leave us with Jesus’ own words in the book of John. May it sober our pursuits, and remind us that the one we are following is not some philosophical ideal to adhere to, He is a person to fall in love with.
“it would be easier if you were just a thought in my head
simply something that I once read
a belief needing my defense
and it would be easier if you were something I once knew
a hope just to hold on to
but you’re holding out your hands
chorus:
cause you came to take us back to the start
you came to touch the hardness of our hearts
you gave us truth that truth is who you are
it’s who you are
and it’s not enough to just say, ‘I believe.’
Cause truth is that talk is cheap
so grace give me eyes to see
flesh and blood you offer us
oh to eat the bread and drink the cup
oh to taste to see to feel to touch
Emmanuel God with us
Emmanuel God with us”
Mike Donehey:
Maybe this song won’t be a revolutionary thought for you, but it has been for me. Probably for the last two years or so, this is the thing I have felt that God has been teaching me. Or should I say, the thing that He has been beating me over the head with. Truth is a person.
“I am the way, the truth, and the life, and no one comes to the Father but by me.”
-Jesus
How did I miss that for so long? I don’t know. Maybe it was growing up in the church, maybe it was Christian school, maybe it was the fact that I have an enemy in myself and in the devil, but man! Why has it taken so long to sink in?
I remember going through this phase when I first entered college, when all that mattered were answers. I had to have the answer for everything. No matter what the question was, no matter what someone was going through, I had to have something to say. Some verse to reference, some bit of advice to give. And I really thought that I was pretty awesome. I mean, I was enlightening minds and helping people, I was really exceptional. Or so I thought.
Little did I know at the time, but most times when I was wheeling out advice and giving out answers, I was actually coming across as a royal jerk. People would come to me with some heavy news: a broken relationship, news of a death in their family, something like that. And what would I do? I’d just write up a little prescription for them by way of the Bible. “Don’t worry brother! God works all things together for good!
Not that the promises of God aren’t true all the time, they are. But the thing is, just because we have promises, doesn’t necessarily mean there’s answers. At least, not the way we’re looking for. And that’s why God tells me to feel it before I try to fix it. “Weep with those who weep. Rejoice with those who rejoice.” That’s what I’m called to do. Before I try to know everything and have a solution for everything and everyone, first I need to learn to sit down and weep with people. Before I try to put a band aid on their wounds, I need to actually feel the wound myself. I mean, isn’t that what Jesus did for us? He felt before He fixed. He hurt before He healed. He became flesh and dwelt among us.
And so, this changes things. This means that it doesn’t matter how much Scripture and philosophy I know, what matters is what I do with it. Ironically, having a lot of information about Jesus can often be the very thing that keeps us from Him. We delude ourselves into thinking that Jesus is nothing more than a fact on a page. An idea to comprehend, a moral to ascribe to. And believe me, He’s much more than that. He is our life, our breath, and the pulse within our veins. He is before, behind, and all around. Over. Underneath. Inside. In between.
And I want to know Him this way. As bread and wine. As flesh and blood. As a lover, a wife, as the life within. I’m tired of my knowledge turning to arrogance. I’m tired of information turning to superiority. I want to encounter Him, and have that encounter change the way I see the world. Don’t you?
So for now, I’ll leave us with Jesus’ own words in the book of John. May it sober our pursuits, and remind us that the one we are following is not some philosophical ideal to adhere to, He is a person to fall in love with.
Thursday, 9 September 2010
paradoxes
Firmly believe that you need to die before you can live.
You need to realise that you've got nothing before you'll stretch out your hands to receive everything.
Love demands everything, but costs us nothing.
It's hard to explain, but I'm always sorrowful and always joyful.
You need to realise that you've got nothing before you'll stretch out your hands to receive everything.
Love demands everything, but costs us nothing.
It's hard to explain, but I'm always sorrowful and always joyful.
Thursday, 15 July 2010
desperation
Dear Lord,
Sometimes I doubt that I really care.
I ask myself, 'What sacrifices would I make to see these people set free?'
In truth, I think I care more about my own comfort, than about their suffering.
So why am I crying?
Why can't I get these voices out of my head?
"If all that you're saying is true, then WHY DIDN'T YOU COME SOONER?"
I read Ross' note on facebook today.
I think I understand what he means, at least a little bit.
Sometimes I am left feeling so helpless
when I remember my insignificance in the world.
I am one.
I am just one -
and alone, I am weak and foolish and corrupted.
Who am I to think I could do any good?
How arrogant, how presumptuous I am to fancy myself
potentially a helper, a rescuer, a bringer of hope.
But I believe in You Lord.
You are infinitely strong, and wise, and righteous.
I believe that in You,
I am strong, I am wise, I am redeemed.
So use me Lord.
Use this weak vessel.
My life is of no use to me, except to know You.
Oh Lord, help me to throw away all my own ambitions.
They are all worthless.
All that will be left of them is a tombstone.
27 MILLION.
27 MILLION of your loved ones
desperately crying out for help.
EVEN NOW.
EVEN AS I WRITE THIS.
I feel as if I cannot wait for me to be old enough
to be wise enough
to be prepared enough
as if it were about me!!!
Hidden away, left to rot in cargo containers filled with human waste, are your children.
Your daughters are being robbed of their purity, their dignity, their humanity, their sanity.
EVEN NOW.
EVEN NOW they are praying that someone will burst in the doors to stop it RIGHT NOW.
In other parts, young ones drown in floods.
In other parts, young ones are told to kill their families.
There is extortion.
Deception.
Violence.
The earth REEKS of it all.
I'm so grieved inside.
I'm grieved at the state of our world,
the state of our relationships.
the state of my own heart.
Lord, I just want to be where You are.
I have nothing to give, but I want to give.
Teach me,
Lead me.
Thank You for loving me.
Thank You for showing me Your heart...
Show Your church Lord.
Break all our hearts, as one.
Sometimes I doubt that I really care.
I ask myself, 'What sacrifices would I make to see these people set free?'
In truth, I think I care more about my own comfort, than about their suffering.
So why am I crying?
Why can't I get these voices out of my head?
"If all that you're saying is true, then WHY DIDN'T YOU COME SOONER?"
I read Ross' note on facebook today.
I think I understand what he means, at least a little bit.
Sometimes I am left feeling so helpless
when I remember my insignificance in the world.
I am one.
I am just one -
and alone, I am weak and foolish and corrupted.
Who am I to think I could do any good?
How arrogant, how presumptuous I am to fancy myself
potentially a helper, a rescuer, a bringer of hope.
But I believe in You Lord.
You are infinitely strong, and wise, and righteous.
I believe that in You,
I am strong, I am wise, I am redeemed.
So use me Lord.
Use this weak vessel.
My life is of no use to me, except to know You.
Oh Lord, help me to throw away all my own ambitions.
They are all worthless.
All that will be left of them is a tombstone.
27 MILLION.
27 MILLION of your loved ones
desperately crying out for help.
EVEN NOW.
EVEN AS I WRITE THIS.
I feel as if I cannot wait for me to be old enough
to be wise enough
to be prepared enough
as if it were about me!!!
Hidden away, left to rot in cargo containers filled with human waste, are your children.
Your daughters are being robbed of their purity, their dignity, their humanity, their sanity.
EVEN NOW.
EVEN NOW they are praying that someone will burst in the doors to stop it RIGHT NOW.
In other parts, young ones drown in floods.
In other parts, young ones are told to kill their families.
There is extortion.
Deception.
Violence.
The earth REEKS of it all.
I'm so grieved inside.
I'm grieved at the state of our world,
the state of our relationships.
the state of my own heart.
Lord, I just want to be where You are.
I have nothing to give, but I want to give.
Teach me,
Lead me.
Thank You for loving me.
Thank You for showing me Your heart...
Show Your church Lord.
Break all our hearts, as one.
Monday, 28 June 2010
day is dimming
Dear Lord,
I'm finding that I only feel at home when I'm with You. When I turn to You, my restless soul can finally rest.
Thank You so much Lord, for this peace. You have silenced the other voices in my heart. More than ever, I'm yearning to be found in You.
Ahhh...I'm surrounded by all these amazing gifts that I don't deserve. I'm typing on this Macbook Pro, I'm wearing a diamond necklace, I have enough money for a new guitar, and I have so many other precious gifts and cards still wrapped up. And yet Lord, my soul yearns for You. Only You satisfy me.
Oh Lord - holy, gracious, abounding in mercy, full of truth, and grace, and wisdom, and power - I just want to be where You are. I can't describe it...
I want to know You. You who love me beyond my capacity to comprehend or even really imagine it. Every time I've found myself broken and defiled, You have never rejected me. Oh Lord, You have never rejected me, even though that is what I deserve.
You are HOLY. I know that my understanding is only like a shadow, but Lord, something in my spirit has been ruined by the knowledge of Your healing touch, by the presence of such purity - oh just devastated but lifted higher than I've ever dreamed possible.
I just want to stay in Your presence. To gaze upon Your beauty. To be still and be in awe of Your overwhelming beauty. To burn with holy fire in my whole being.
But here I am on earth, just in my room, just on my bed. My soul just cries out to You Lord - I'm just so overwhelmed. What a joy it is to desire You. How it satisfies my soul like nothing else.
The day is dimming and I'm yearning for You
I won't be satisfied 'til I see Your face
Every victory, every loss
Every tick and every cross
You can put them all in place
It seems I'm finding more of why
in these moments
I feel like I'm made to sing of how good You are
The more the years roll by and pass
each second more than last
it's true by far
That no profound thought or clever rhyme
No soaring grand melodic line
No theory, philosophy or sign
Can explain it
Can explain
Where You are, I want to be
It's Your love that has changed me
I'd give the world and all it's charms
For a moment in Your arms
Better is one day with You
Than a thousand elsewhere
I still remember what it was like before You
I'm grateful everyday for how things have changed
I'll thank You every way I can
Cause my life only began when I heard You call my name
Now no praise of man, no great acclaim
No humble-looking kind of fame
No power, wealth or worldly gain
Could satisfy me
Could ever satisfy
Where You are, I want to be
It's Your grace that has raised me
I'd give my whole life to honour You
in whom I live
in whom I move
Better is one day with You
than a thousand elsewhere
Better is one day in Your courts
Better is one day in Your house
Better is one day in Your courts
than anywhere else
Lead me
Lead me
Lead me to Yourself
Lead me to Your heart
Where You are, I want to be
It's Your love that has changed me
I'd give my whole life to honour You
in whom I live
in whom I move
Better is one day with You
Than a thousand elsewhere
Than a thousand elsewhere
Lead me to Yourself
Lead me to Your heart
I'll be found in You
I'll be found in You
Here is peace
Here is joy
Here is life
Here is freedom
Freedom
I'm finding that I only feel at home when I'm with You. When I turn to You, my restless soul can finally rest.
Thank You so much Lord, for this peace. You have silenced the other voices in my heart. More than ever, I'm yearning to be found in You.
Ahhh...I'm surrounded by all these amazing gifts that I don't deserve. I'm typing on this Macbook Pro, I'm wearing a diamond necklace, I have enough money for a new guitar, and I have so many other precious gifts and cards still wrapped up. And yet Lord, my soul yearns for You. Only You satisfy me.
Oh Lord - holy, gracious, abounding in mercy, full of truth, and grace, and wisdom, and power - I just want to be where You are. I can't describe it...
I want to know You. You who love me beyond my capacity to comprehend or even really imagine it. Every time I've found myself broken and defiled, You have never rejected me. Oh Lord, You have never rejected me, even though that is what I deserve.
You are HOLY. I know that my understanding is only like a shadow, but Lord, something in my spirit has been ruined by the knowledge of Your healing touch, by the presence of such purity - oh just devastated but lifted higher than I've ever dreamed possible.
I just want to stay in Your presence. To gaze upon Your beauty. To be still and be in awe of Your overwhelming beauty. To burn with holy fire in my whole being.
But here I am on earth, just in my room, just on my bed. My soul just cries out to You Lord - I'm just so overwhelmed. What a joy it is to desire You. How it satisfies my soul like nothing else.
The day is dimming and I'm yearning for You
I won't be satisfied 'til I see Your face
Every victory, every loss
Every tick and every cross
You can put them all in place
It seems I'm finding more of why
in these moments
I feel like I'm made to sing of how good You are
The more the years roll by and pass
each second more than last
it's true by far
That no profound thought or clever rhyme
No soaring grand melodic line
No theory, philosophy or sign
Can explain it
Can explain
Where You are, I want to be
It's Your love that has changed me
I'd give the world and all it's charms
For a moment in Your arms
Better is one day with You
Than a thousand elsewhere
I still remember what it was like before You
I'm grateful everyday for how things have changed
I'll thank You every way I can
Cause my life only began when I heard You call my name
Now no praise of man, no great acclaim
No humble-looking kind of fame
No power, wealth or worldly gain
Could satisfy me
Could ever satisfy
Where You are, I want to be
It's Your grace that has raised me
I'd give my whole life to honour You
in whom I live
in whom I move
Better is one day with You
than a thousand elsewhere
Better is one day in Your courts
Better is one day in Your house
Better is one day in Your courts
than anywhere else
Lead me
Lead me
Lead me to Yourself
Lead me to Your heart
Where You are, I want to be
It's Your love that has changed me
I'd give my whole life to honour You
in whom I live
in whom I move
Better is one day with You
Than a thousand elsewhere
Than a thousand elsewhere
Lead me to Yourself
Lead me to Your heart
I'll be found in You
I'll be found in You
Here is peace
Here is joy
Here is life
Here is freedom
Freedom
Thursday, 10 June 2010
Wednesday, 19 May 2010
pictures from the past
Hear my cry, O God;
listen to my prayer.
From the ends of the earth I call to you,
I call as my heart grows faint;
lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For you have been my refuge,
a strong tower against the foe.
I long to dwell in your tent forever
and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.
Psalm 61:1-4
*
Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
You teach me wisdom in the inmost place.
Psalm 51:17
*
Still my heart is so heavy. What is this? What is all this sadness and mourning for?
*
Jesus asks,
"Who do people say I am?"
"Who do you say I am?"
If Jesus is Lord and Messiah - for REAL - shouldn't it change everything?
*
This is what He has been saying to me: I am not condemned - I am not defined by the worst of me. He has always known me, and known what He would do with me. In the same place where I was given over to prostitution, He calls me the pure, beloved Bride of Christ. In the very place where He should have called me "discarded and rejected in disgust", He calls me "Hephzibah" - "my delight is in her".
*
[2010]
He has made everything beautiful in its time.
Ecclesiastes 3:11
*
When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee's house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.
Luke 7:37-38
*
"Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity"
*
Oh Lord, teach me to live: every moment in the grace that You so generously give.
I don't want to look back.
I don't want to be away from You for a single moment.
My heart and flesh cry out for You, the Living God.
Satisfy me Lord.
May I be satisfied to be Yours.
Let my life be a fragrant offering to You,
like Mary's jar of perfume.
Let every moment...be an offering to You God.
I don't want to wait until I grow up, to give You everything.
I don't want to wait until I become someone different.
With who I am now Lord, I want to worship You somehow.
Oh Lord,
You've given me this 'worship' ministry to look after
And yet I have barely scratched the surface of what it means to worship You.
The meaning of this word seems so shrouded by our own religious connotations that it sometimes it seems a bit hollow.
Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable His judgements,
and His paths beyond tracing out!
Who has known the mind of the Lord?
Or who has been His counselor?
Who has ever given to God
that God should repay Him?
For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things.
To Him be the glory forever! Amen.
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. - Romans 12:1
Oh Lord,
Expand my heart!!!
OPEN my eyes to see the riches of your infinite wisdom and knowledge
the DEPTH and HEIGHT and WIDTH and LENGTH of Your love!!
I'm coming to a place where I can just sense that there is so much more.
Before I lose sight of this clue, God, pull me in!!
I want to fall flat on my face
I don't mind if it hurts me
I want to see You.
Oh Lord,
I want to walk with You as Moses did.
With him You spoke face to face,
clearly and not in riddles.
He saw Your form.
*
I became a servant of the gospel by the gift of God's grace given me through the working of His power. Although I am less than the least of all God's people, this grace was given me: to preach to the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ, and to make plain to everyone the administration of this mystery, which for ages past was kept hidden in God, who created all things.
Ephesians 3:7-9
God places treasure in jars of clay. He will choose the least of us - and entrust to us the most GLORIOUS, most unsearchable, most precious revelations of Christ Himself - who is the greatest treasure, the deepest mystery, hidden for ages past but now made known.
Hallelujah.
listen to my prayer.
From the ends of the earth I call to you,
I call as my heart grows faint;
lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For you have been my refuge,
a strong tower against the foe.
I long to dwell in your tent forever
and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.
Psalm 61:1-4
*
Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
You teach me wisdom in the inmost place.
Psalm 51:17
*
Still my heart is so heavy. What is this? What is all this sadness and mourning for?
*
Jesus asks,
"Who do people say I am?"
"Who do you say I am?"
If Jesus is Lord and Messiah - for REAL - shouldn't it change everything?
*
This is what He has been saying to me: I am not condemned - I am not defined by the worst of me. He has always known me, and known what He would do with me. In the same place where I was given over to prostitution, He calls me the pure, beloved Bride of Christ. In the very place where He should have called me "discarded and rejected in disgust", He calls me "Hephzibah" - "my delight is in her".
*
[2010]
He has made everything beautiful in its time.
Ecclesiastes 3:11
*
When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee's house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.
Luke 7:37-38
*
"Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity"
*
Oh Lord, teach me to live: every moment in the grace that You so generously give.
I don't want to look back.
I don't want to be away from You for a single moment.
My heart and flesh cry out for You, the Living God.
Satisfy me Lord.
May I be satisfied to be Yours.
Let my life be a fragrant offering to You,
like Mary's jar of perfume.
Let every moment...be an offering to You God.
I don't want to wait until I grow up, to give You everything.
I don't want to wait until I become someone different.
With who I am now Lord, I want to worship You somehow.
Oh Lord,
You've given me this 'worship' ministry to look after
And yet I have barely scratched the surface of what it means to worship You.
The meaning of this word seems so shrouded by our own religious connotations that it sometimes it seems a bit hollow.
Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable His judgements,
and His paths beyond tracing out!
Who has known the mind of the Lord?
Or who has been His counselor?
Who has ever given to God
that God should repay Him?
For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things.
To Him be the glory forever! Amen.
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. - Romans 12:1
Oh Lord,
Expand my heart!!!
OPEN my eyes to see the riches of your infinite wisdom and knowledge
the DEPTH and HEIGHT and WIDTH and LENGTH of Your love!!
I'm coming to a place where I can just sense that there is so much more.
Before I lose sight of this clue, God, pull me in!!
I want to fall flat on my face
I don't mind if it hurts me
I want to see You.
Oh Lord,
I want to walk with You as Moses did.
With him You spoke face to face,
clearly and not in riddles.
He saw Your form.
*
I became a servant of the gospel by the gift of God's grace given me through the working of His power. Although I am less than the least of all God's people, this grace was given me: to preach to the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ, and to make plain to everyone the administration of this mystery, which for ages past was kept hidden in God, who created all things.
Ephesians 3:7-9
God places treasure in jars of clay. He will choose the least of us - and entrust to us the most GLORIOUS, most unsearchable, most precious revelations of Christ Himself - who is the greatest treasure, the deepest mystery, hidden for ages past but now made known.
Hallelujah.
Sunday, 16 May 2010
i like this song :)
as the dew falls on a blade
you have touched all these fragile frames
as a mother knows her baby's face
you know me
you know me
as the summer air within my chest
i have breathed you deep down into my breast
as you know the hairs upon my head
every thought and every word i've said
saviour you have known me as i am
healer you have known me as i was
as i will be
in the morning
in the evening
you have known me God
you know me
completely
you know me
as the exhilaration of autumn's bite
you have brought these tired bones to brilliant life
as a swallow knows she knows the sky
this is how it is for you and i
this is how it is for you and i
saviour you have known me as i am
healer you have known me as i was
as i will be
in the morning
in the evening
you have known me God
you have known me
completely
you have known me
from the bottom of my heart
to the resurrection of my soul
you know me God
you have known my ways
from my rising to my sitting down
you have seen me as i am
as a lover knows his beloved's heart
all the shapes and curves of her even in the dark
you have formed me in my inward part
you know me
you know me
saviour you have known me as i am
my healer you have known me as i was
as i will be
in the morning
in the evening
you have known me God
you have known me
completely
you have known me
this is how it is for you and i
this is how it is for you and i
you have touched all these fragile frames
as a mother knows her baby's face
you know me
you know me
as the summer air within my chest
i have breathed you deep down into my breast
as you know the hairs upon my head
every thought and every word i've said
saviour you have known me as i am
healer you have known me as i was
as i will be
in the morning
in the evening
you have known me God
you know me
completely
you know me
as the exhilaration of autumn's bite
you have brought these tired bones to brilliant life
as a swallow knows she knows the sky
this is how it is for you and i
this is how it is for you and i
saviour you have known me as i am
healer you have known me as i was
as i will be
in the morning
in the evening
you have known me God
you have known me
completely
you have known me
from the bottom of my heart
to the resurrection of my soul
you know me God
you have known my ways
from my rising to my sitting down
you have seen me as i am
as a lover knows his beloved's heart
all the shapes and curves of her even in the dark
you have formed me in my inward part
you know me
you know me
saviour you have known me as i am
my healer you have known me as i was
as i will be
in the morning
in the evening
you have known me God
you have known me
completely
you have known me
this is how it is for you and i
this is how it is for you and i
Wednesday, 12 May 2010
Monday, 10 May 2010
treasures of darkness
"You light a lamp for me.
The Lord, my God, lights up my darkness."
Psalm 18:28 (New Living Translation)
When we find ourselves surrounded by darkness we must look for the meaning that lies within it. Whenever you find yourself engulfed by darkness, begin to dig by the light of your flickering torch of faith for the treasures of meaning hidden there. For the treasures of darkness are found only by those who dig for meaning.
God will never allow us to be surrounded by darkness without handling us a pick so that we can dig for treasure.
- Selwyn Hughes
Found this on Ben's blog. Very timely for me.
The Lord, my God, lights up my darkness."
Psalm 18:28 (New Living Translation)
When we find ourselves surrounded by darkness we must look for the meaning that lies within it. Whenever you find yourself engulfed by darkness, begin to dig by the light of your flickering torch of faith for the treasures of meaning hidden there. For the treasures of darkness are found only by those who dig for meaning.
God will never allow us to be surrounded by darkness without handling us a pick so that we can dig for treasure.
- Selwyn Hughes
Found this on Ben's blog. Very timely for me.
Sunday, 9 May 2010
Sunday, 2 May 2010
thirsty
On my schedule: IPE presentation (group meeting every other day this week!), admin research paper, LLG tomorrow, lifegroup on friday, Jacqui's birthday, John Mayer, many email replies, lots of housework, worship ministry stuff, Chinese grammar test, catch-up property law reading, catch-up admin law reading, lightaid sydney leaders meeting, melbourne trip coming up!
On my heart: longing for Jesus. heartbreak for family. struggling to lay down all my rights. impatience. groaning - Romans 8:23.
Mainly, I am desperately trying to throw off everything that is smothering me. I need to run back to the cross.
I. need. to.
I am so thirsty.
Lead me to the cross, where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees, Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself, I belong to You
Oh lead me...
Lead me to the cross
Lead me to Your heart
Everything I once held dear - I count it all as loss
On my heart: longing for Jesus. heartbreak for family. struggling to lay down all my rights. impatience. groaning - Romans 8:23.
Mainly, I am desperately trying to throw off everything that is smothering me. I need to run back to the cross.
I. need. to.
I am so thirsty.
Lead me to the cross, where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees, Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself, I belong to You
Oh lead me...
Lead me to the cross
Lead me to Your heart
Everything I once held dear - I count it all as loss
Saturday, 17 April 2010
peace
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives." - John 14:27
"The peace that Christ gives is not pictured in the calm, pastoral scene of sheep by still waters, nor is it seen in the newborn infant, warm and safe in the arms of its mother. The peace of Christ is rather seen in a picture of a raging river of life coursing between its banks, now through a mountain gorge, now across the open plains. Mile after mile, there is a deep-flowing, sure current that keeps surging forward in spite of any surface splashing of trouble. The winds of adversity can whip up the waves to white-cap ferocity. The speed of life down through the passes can dash the water forcefully against the rocks. The reeds along the riverbank can cut or fallen logs can swirl the water into small whirlpools, spinning the water in dizzying circles of uncertainty of direction. Yet the river keeps moving by the force of the current. His peace in my heart is that current, assuring me that I am in the flow of His will." - Neal Pirolo
"The peace that Christ gives is not pictured in the calm, pastoral scene of sheep by still waters, nor is it seen in the newborn infant, warm and safe in the arms of its mother. The peace of Christ is rather seen in a picture of a raging river of life coursing between its banks, now through a mountain gorge, now across the open plains. Mile after mile, there is a deep-flowing, sure current that keeps surging forward in spite of any surface splashing of trouble. The winds of adversity can whip up the waves to white-cap ferocity. The speed of life down through the passes can dash the water forcefully against the rocks. The reeds along the riverbank can cut or fallen logs can swirl the water into small whirlpools, spinning the water in dizzying circles of uncertainty of direction. Yet the river keeps moving by the force of the current. His peace in my heart is that current, assuring me that I am in the flow of His will." - Neal Pirolo
Tuesday, 23 March 2010
freedom
We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those He predestined, He also called; those He called, He also justified; those He justified, He also glorified.
What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who can bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died - more than that, who was raised to life - is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written, "For your sake we face death all day long, we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."
No! In all these things we are more than conquerers through He who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord!!!
Romans 8
What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who can bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died - more than that, who was raised to life - is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written, "For your sake we face death all day long, we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."
No! In all these things we are more than conquerers through He who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord!!!
Romans 8
Tuesday, 16 March 2010
three dreams in one night
On Thursday night I had three dreams:
In the first dream, I was at a wedding. It was not a huge wedding, but not a small one either. The church was humbly but beautifully decorated; there was a very homey feel to it. I was one of the bridesmaids, standing up in front. From where I was standing, I could see the bridegroom, waiting for his bride. This bridegroom - he was such a good man. I couldn't seem to tell his age, but I saw that he was wise beyond his years. He was very kind, very strong and tender-hearted. From his eyes you could tell that he had worked very hard on something he cared a lot about. But by the end of the wedding, there were tears in his eyes. The best man didn't turn up. Some special guests didn't turn up. The bride didn't turn up. The wedding never went ahead. Towards the end of the dream, he was graciously walking me out of the church, talking to me sadly.
In the second dream, I was in a place that I didn't know. It was a room with white walls and nothing much in it. But there was a very beautiful song playing in the background. Bobby was there. I asked him, "Do you know this song?", but before he could answer, I knew that he had written it.
In the third dream, all my lifegroup girls were sitting on a hillside which had a very wide road running along the side of it. Cars started to come by on this road, and each car was packed with the families of each of these girls. All the cars were convertibles, so all the families were clearly visible. When the cars came by, Debbie suddenly stood up, and with a smile of pure joy, she raised a huge banner high above her head. I don't remember what it said, but it was a message of love that shot straight to the hearts of her family - her entire car immediately broke down in tears. One by one, each of the girls on the hillside stood up and raised a banner speaking a powerful message of love specific to her family, and one by one, each of the families in the cars were moved to tears.
In the first dream, I was at a wedding. It was not a huge wedding, but not a small one either. The church was humbly but beautifully decorated; there was a very homey feel to it. I was one of the bridesmaids, standing up in front. From where I was standing, I could see the bridegroom, waiting for his bride. This bridegroom - he was such a good man. I couldn't seem to tell his age, but I saw that he was wise beyond his years. He was very kind, very strong and tender-hearted. From his eyes you could tell that he had worked very hard on something he cared a lot about. But by the end of the wedding, there were tears in his eyes. The best man didn't turn up. Some special guests didn't turn up. The bride didn't turn up. The wedding never went ahead. Towards the end of the dream, he was graciously walking me out of the church, talking to me sadly.
In the second dream, I was in a place that I didn't know. It was a room with white walls and nothing much in it. But there was a very beautiful song playing in the background. Bobby was there. I asked him, "Do you know this song?", but before he could answer, I knew that he had written it.
In the third dream, all my lifegroup girls were sitting on a hillside which had a very wide road running along the side of it. Cars started to come by on this road, and each car was packed with the families of each of these girls. All the cars were convertibles, so all the families were clearly visible. When the cars came by, Debbie suddenly stood up, and with a smile of pure joy, she raised a huge banner high above her head. I don't remember what it said, but it was a message of love that shot straight to the hearts of her family - her entire car immediately broke down in tears. One by one, each of the girls on the hillside stood up and raised a banner speaking a powerful message of love specific to her family, and one by one, each of the families in the cars were moved to tears.
Friday, 12 March 2010
growing up
What's the difference between a boy and a man?
What's the difference between a girl and a woman?
Which are you?
What's the difference between a girl and a woman?
Which are you?
Wednesday, 10 March 2010
JMM
You and I meet
On the shores of the broken
You swallow the ocean
I swallow my pride
Only to see
The way that I need you
Is more than I knew
I ever could
In between the ashes and the flames
Is a cry an awkward silence
Could never contain
And the falling of my hammers
And the writhing of my pain
Is just not as real as the way
That you're calling my name
I can't help thinking
That the way that you want me
And the ghost that haunts me
Are one and the same
Cause you stand at my window
At night while I'm sleeping
There's not a promise I'm keeping
That could ever repay you
In between the ashes and the flames
There's a song that burns brighter
Than radio waves
Bout the remnants of my idols
And the shadow of my shame
About how they scatter like the rain and I can't stop crying
Cause you wont stop calling my name
Calling my name up from the ashes
John Mark McMillan's music is really growing on me.
His lyrics are raw and honest and haunting.
I'm glad he decided to share the process!
And......now back to law readings.
On the shores of the broken
You swallow the ocean
I swallow my pride
Only to see
The way that I need you
Is more than I knew
I ever could
In between the ashes and the flames
Is a cry an awkward silence
Could never contain
And the falling of my hammers
And the writhing of my pain
Is just not as real as the way
That you're calling my name
I can't help thinking
That the way that you want me
And the ghost that haunts me
Are one and the same
Cause you stand at my window
At night while I'm sleeping
There's not a promise I'm keeping
That could ever repay you
In between the ashes and the flames
There's a song that burns brighter
Than radio waves
Bout the remnants of my idols
And the shadow of my shame
About how they scatter like the rain and I can't stop crying
Cause you wont stop calling my name
Calling my name up from the ashes
John Mark McMillan's music is really growing on me.
His lyrics are raw and honest and haunting.
I'm glad he decided to share the process!
And......now back to law readings.
Tuesday, 9 March 2010
back-to-blogging part two!
I can't believe it's only been two weeks since I arrived back in Sydney. It feels like my time in Singapore happened such a long time ago! Since I've been back, I've retold some stories so many times - I'm thinking that I might not need to put them here anymore! Haha...well...I'll see how it goes.
In the meantime, here are some thoughts that I had while I was with my family.
You know how they say that it's those who are closest to us who can hurt us the most deeply? Well, I think it's true. More importantly, the reverse is true. We can hurt those closest to us more deeply than others can.
What I realised while spending time with my family was: it is quite possible to think you are showing care for a person and actually be hurting and destroying them instead. I know I was guilty of this. Basically, while I thought I was caring for my family by wanting to see them become better, and whole, I was starting to only see them by everything in them that needed to become whole - everything that needed fixing.
In the meantime, here are some thoughts that I had while I was with my family.
You know how they say that it's those who are closest to us who can hurt us the most deeply? Well, I think it's true. More importantly, the reverse is true. We can hurt those closest to us more deeply than others can.
What I realised while spending time with my family was: it is quite possible to think you are showing care for a person and actually be hurting and destroying them instead. I know I was guilty of this. Basically, while I thought I was caring for my family by wanting to see them become better, and whole, I was starting to only see them by everything in them that needed to become whole - everything that needed fixing.
Now I do think that love in its true nature cannot want anything less than perfection for its beloved. I like how C.S. Lewis puts it: "Love may forgive all infirmities and love still in spite of them: but Love cannot cease to will their removal." We still have to care about helping each other get rid of our laziness, anger problems, selfishness, etc. Still, the lines between caring and fault-finding can easily become blurred when our hearts are not right. It's only too normal for us, when a problem arises in any relationship, to use the pretext of 'caring' to focus on the faults of the other party, because 'we want to see them become better'. With all the best intentions to begin with, we become used to speaking out the worst in them, and we conveniently forget the amazing gift of a person that they are. Thing is, the more we continue in this pattern, the more we will start to only see the worst in the other person. Over time, the situation will no longer be the problem - the person will have become the problem. Who they are will have become the very cause of our vexation - and which human being can be expected to last long under that kind of pressure?
While I was thinking about this in Singapore, I found myself recalling this thought (from a book that I read over a year ago, while I was in China):
"You will find that the people who influence you are the people who believe in you." - Henry Drummond
I remember thinking about it, and finding it true in my own life. I think it has been the people who have seen value in me, even when I haven't been able to see it in myself, who have influenced me the most. They've spurred me on and made me want to grow as a person.
It made me realise that the opposite is also true: if we try to influence people to change by just pointing out all the things in them that need to change, we'll just end up alienating ourselves from them. Parents probably do this to their teenage kids all the time.
This isn't to say that there isn't a place for constructive criticism, but the spirit must be one of love. This is the rest of Henry Drummond's quote on sincere love:
"Love 'thinketh no evil'...but 'rejoiceth in the truth.' Sincerity includes the self-restraint which refuses to make capital out of others' faults; the charity which delights not in exposing the weaknesses of others, but "covers all things"; the sincerity of purpose which endeavours to see things as they are, and rejoices to find them better than suspicion feared or calumny denounced."
So...this was a lesson that I wanted to remember.
May our love cover over a multitude of sins.
While I was thinking about this in Singapore, I found myself recalling this thought (from a book that I read over a year ago, while I was in China):
"You will find that the people who influence you are the people who believe in you." - Henry Drummond
I remember thinking about it, and finding it true in my own life. I think it has been the people who have seen value in me, even when I haven't been able to see it in myself, who have influenced me the most. They've spurred me on and made me want to grow as a person.
It made me realise that the opposite is also true: if we try to influence people to change by just pointing out all the things in them that need to change, we'll just end up alienating ourselves from them. Parents probably do this to their teenage kids all the time.
This isn't to say that there isn't a place for constructive criticism, but the spirit must be one of love. This is the rest of Henry Drummond's quote on sincere love:
"Love 'thinketh no evil'...but 'rejoiceth in the truth.' Sincerity includes the self-restraint which refuses to make capital out of others' faults; the charity which delights not in exposing the weaknesses of others, but "covers all things"; the sincerity of purpose which endeavours to see things as they are, and rejoices to find them better than suspicion feared or calumny denounced."
So...this was a lesson that I wanted to remember.
May our love cover over a multitude of sins.
Sunday, 7 March 2010
:)
God has changed me so much in the last month or so. A lot of bitterness and distrust of people that has haunted me for years...has just dissipated. I don't know if I can't explain exactly how it happened, but what I do know is that I feel free.
Thursday, 18 February 2010
thank you!
thank you: izzy, christian, mark, jan, maya, jacqui, abby, denise, ally, hendy [edit - and eva!!] for your kind responses!!! they've made me smile silly smiles to myself whenever i've remembered them!! hehe.
here's a little bit of trivia, just in case you're wondering why this blog is called 'ephemeral' and why the url is 'riotofroses'.
both are references from the little prince by antoine de saint-exupéry. i set up this blog shortly after i finished reading the book a number of years ago. if you haven't read it, you should! it's just a very short children's book. the story is simple, profound, light-hearted, serious, cheerful, sorrowful, real and abstract - all at the same time!
*
"Well?" said the geographer expectantly.
"Oh, where I live," said the little prince, "it is not very interesting. It is all so small. I have three volcanoes. Two volcanoes are active and the other is extinct. But one never knows."
"One never knows," said the geographer.
"I have also a flower."
"We do not record flowers," said the geographer.
"Why is that? The flower is the most beautiful thing on my planet!"
"We do not record them," said the geographer, "because they are ephemeral."
"What does that mean-- 'ephemeral'?"
"It means, 'which is in danger of speedy disappearance.'"
"Is my flower in danger of speedy disappearance?"
"Certainly it is."
"My flower is ephemeral," the little prince said to himself, "and she has only four thorns to defend herself against the world. And I have left her on my planet, all alone!"
*
The little prince gazed at them. They all looked like his flower.
"Who are you?" he demanded, thunderstruck.
"We are roses," the roses said.
And he was overcome with sadness. His flower had told him that she was the only one of her kind in all the universe. And here were five thousand of them, all alike, in one single garden!
"She would be very much annoyed," he said to himself, "if she should see that... she would cough most dreadfully, and she would pretend that she was dying, to avoid being laughed at. And I should be obliged to pretend that I was nursing her back to life-- for if I did not do that, to humble myself also, she would really allow herself to die..."
Then he went on with his reflections: "I thought that I was rich, with a flower that was unique in all the world; and all I had was a common rose."
And he lay down in the grass and cried.
*
"He was just a fox like a hundred thousand foxes. But I made him my friend and now he is unique in the world."
"Go and have another look at the roses. And you will understand that yours is indeed unique in all world."
"It is the time you lavished on your rose which makes your rose so important."
"For what you have tamed, you become responsible forever."
*
"If you love a flower which happens to be on a star, it is sweet at night to gaze at the sky. All stars are a riot of flowers."
"The stars are beautiful because of a flower one cannot see.."
"Be it a house, the stars or the desert, the source of their beauty cannot be seen!"
"The eyes are blind. One must look with the heart."
here's a little bit of trivia, just in case you're wondering why this blog is called 'ephemeral' and why the url is 'riotofroses'.
both are references from the little prince by antoine de saint-exupéry. i set up this blog shortly after i finished reading the book a number of years ago. if you haven't read it, you should! it's just a very short children's book. the story is simple, profound, light-hearted, serious, cheerful, sorrowful, real and abstract - all at the same time!
*
"Well?" said the geographer expectantly.
"Oh, where I live," said the little prince, "it is not very interesting. It is all so small. I have three volcanoes. Two volcanoes are active and the other is extinct. But one never knows."
"One never knows," said the geographer.
"I have also a flower."
"We do not record flowers," said the geographer.
"Why is that? The flower is the most beautiful thing on my planet!"
"We do not record them," said the geographer, "because they are ephemeral."
"What does that mean-- 'ephemeral'?"
"It means, 'which is in danger of speedy disappearance.'"
"Is my flower in danger of speedy disappearance?"
"Certainly it is."
"My flower is ephemeral," the little prince said to himself, "and she has only four thorns to defend herself against the world. And I have left her on my planet, all alone!"
*
The little prince gazed at them. They all looked like his flower.
"Who are you?" he demanded, thunderstruck.
"We are roses," the roses said.
And he was overcome with sadness. His flower had told him that she was the only one of her kind in all the universe. And here were five thousand of them, all alike, in one single garden!
"She would be very much annoyed," he said to himself, "if she should see that... she would cough most dreadfully, and she would pretend that she was dying, to avoid being laughed at. And I should be obliged to pretend that I was nursing her back to life-- for if I did not do that, to humble myself also, she would really allow herself to die..."
Then he went on with his reflections: "I thought that I was rich, with a flower that was unique in all the world; and all I had was a common rose."
And he lay down in the grass and cried.
*
"He was just a fox like a hundred thousand foxes. But I made him my friend and now he is unique in the world."
"Go and have another look at the roses. And you will understand that yours is indeed unique in all world."
"It is the time you lavished on your rose which makes your rose so important."
"For what you have tamed, you become responsible forever."
*
"If you love a flower which happens to be on a star, it is sweet at night to gaze at the sky. All stars are a riot of flowers."
"The stars are beautiful because of a flower one cannot see.."
"Be it a house, the stars or the desert, the source of their beauty cannot be seen!"
"The eyes are blind. One must look with the heart."
Monday, 15 February 2010
back to blogging
I've had a couple of recent realisations about friendship, and for you to understand why these are realisations for me, you need to know this about me: I'm not what most would call a 'good' friend. If you're reading this, you're probably my friend, so you're likely to know it already. You know that I've very rarely initiated our catch-ups, or called, or replied emails quickly, or put in effort when things haven't just worked out naturally. We probably got to know each other as 'friends of convenience' - we just happened to be around each other a lot. If it's no longer convenient for us to be friends but we still are, I think I really owe it all to you. Thank you so much for sticking by me and caring about me, I really am sooooo grateful and I know there's nothing I could ever have done to deserve a friend like you!!! Ally, Maya, Ivan - you three especially. Thank you so much. I really want to be a better friend, I am working on it I promise!! If nothing changes, call me out on it ok!
Anyway, here is the back-story. I was having breakfast with Ally two weeks ago at Tanjong Pagar before we went across the road to visit the Red Dot Museum. When she asked what I've been doing here in Singapore, I told her that I've been spending a lot of time at home with family; I hadn't seen my old friends because I was feeling hesitant to tell them that I'm back in Singapore. She asked why I was hesitant, and I explained that I wasn't so sure whether they would still want to be friends with me. In the past I've had friends who've turned out not to care any more, and it'd hurt. I didn't want to pressure people into seeing me again if they didn't want to, so that's why I wasn't calling them. Her reply rung in my head for quite a while: "Well, then no one's making an effort, isn't it?"
As we walked around the museum that afternoon, we had a few more conversations that made me think. The main ideas were:
- In a friendship / any relationship, it's hard to get both parties pulling exactly 50% of the weight each. One will always give slightly more/less than the other, but it's ideal for these effort levels to alternate somewhere around the halfway mark.
- What happens when one party consistently puts in more effort than the other party? Someone had once asked Ally something to this effect, and she'd replied that even if a friend puts in less effort, this friend could still care more deeply in their own way than they let on.
- What makes someone want to be your friend? I thought about this after again explaining to Ally that I couldn't see why old friends would still want to be my friend, especially after I've faded from their everyday lives and have probably become of little relevance to them. I thought this was a fair explanation, but Ally responded as if I'd said something quite extraordinary. "Where does this come from!" she said. I had no answer, so I started to think about it haha. Why would anyone want to be my friend? How do they benefit in any way?
As I thought about it, my mind started to uncover a faulty assumption that I've held for a long time; it had often been challenged but until that day it had still stood fairly strong. My assumption was that only natural friendships are true friendships in the end. By 'natural', I meant 'requiring little external effort'. In my mind, having to put in a lot of effort into getting to know a person one didn't 'click' with naturally seemed like forcing a friendship. It seemed hollow to me and to be honest, sometimes plain tiring and unpleasant. My assumption was that real friends would simply get along naturally and never run out of stuff to talk about; hence they would barely need to put much effort into maintaining the friendship at all. I'm still really grateful that I do have friends with whom I share such a natural friendship, but let me try and explain how my understanding of friendship was unexpectedly altered that night...
So that night, after the NUS medshow (which was AWESOME), after our steamboat buffet dinner (which was EXPENSIVE), after Ally, Kev and I were comfortably in Kev's attic watching Paris Je 'taime (which was way too artsy fartsy for after 11pm), a thought came to me. It was sparked by a line from one of the many plots in the movie, even though the three of us were half asleep by the time this sentence found my ears. It was something to the effect of: "She enjoyed the beautiful sunset, but felt sad that she had no one to share it with."
Hmmmmmm. To share with. How wonderful, how mysterious the way that the experience of beauty is heightened when shared. And don't we find funny movies / sitcoms so much more hilarious when we watch them with other people? It just isn't quite the same, watching HIMYM by yourself! (Fine, though I still do look like an idiot laughing at the laptop screen all by myself.)
Piecing together my thoughts from the whole day, I started to appreciate that friendships with people I'm not such natural friends with are actually even more special in their own way. Different as we are as people, we can share things with each other. That's basically what it is to be a friend, isn't it? To walk alongside someone and share with them - laughter, pain, happiness, sadness. Random stories and snippets of your life. There are parts of us that only certain friends can bring out in us. Our differences add colour and expand each other's perspectives. We may not always understand each other, and we may not even always agree with each other's values, but we can still appreciate each other. Whether we have everything or nearly nothing in common, the lowest common denominator is this: the willingness to share, even though neither of us deserves the other. The spirit of unmerited giving and receiving draws us together and binds us together as friends. And the friendship strengthens with faithfulness, shown in time.
All these 'realisations' sound so obvious, but to me, it's like those old clichés about friendship have finally been coloured in with actual meaning.
So...thank you all for sharing your life with me!!!!!!
I want to share more, hence the sudden back-to-blogging (and actually giving you my blog address). It's another medium.
Feel very thankful that you have even read this! Haha.
Until my next post on one/more of the aforementioned topics,
I am,
Your friend,
Mel!
P.S.: Is there still anyone you think that you could never be friends with?
Anyway, here is the back-story. I was having breakfast with Ally two weeks ago at Tanjong Pagar before we went across the road to visit the Red Dot Museum. When she asked what I've been doing here in Singapore, I told her that I've been spending a lot of time at home with family; I hadn't seen my old friends because I was feeling hesitant to tell them that I'm back in Singapore. She asked why I was hesitant, and I explained that I wasn't so sure whether they would still want to be friends with me. In the past I've had friends who've turned out not to care any more, and it'd hurt. I didn't want to pressure people into seeing me again if they didn't want to, so that's why I wasn't calling them. Her reply rung in my head for quite a while: "Well, then no one's making an effort, isn't it?"
As we walked around the museum that afternoon, we had a few more conversations that made me think. The main ideas were:
- In a friendship / any relationship, it's hard to get both parties pulling exactly 50% of the weight each. One will always give slightly more/less than the other, but it's ideal for these effort levels to alternate somewhere around the halfway mark.
- What happens when one party consistently puts in more effort than the other party? Someone had once asked Ally something to this effect, and she'd replied that even if a friend puts in less effort, this friend could still care more deeply in their own way than they let on.
- What makes someone want to be your friend? I thought about this after again explaining to Ally that I couldn't see why old friends would still want to be my friend, especially after I've faded from their everyday lives and have probably become of little relevance to them. I thought this was a fair explanation, but Ally responded as if I'd said something quite extraordinary. "Where does this come from!" she said. I had no answer, so I started to think about it haha. Why would anyone want to be my friend? How do they benefit in any way?
As I thought about it, my mind started to uncover a faulty assumption that I've held for a long time; it had often been challenged but until that day it had still stood fairly strong. My assumption was that only natural friendships are true friendships in the end. By 'natural', I meant 'requiring little external effort'. In my mind, having to put in a lot of effort into getting to know a person one didn't 'click' with naturally seemed like forcing a friendship. It seemed hollow to me and to be honest, sometimes plain tiring and unpleasant. My assumption was that real friends would simply get along naturally and never run out of stuff to talk about; hence they would barely need to put much effort into maintaining the friendship at all. I'm still really grateful that I do have friends with whom I share such a natural friendship, but let me try and explain how my understanding of friendship was unexpectedly altered that night...
So that night, after the NUS medshow (which was AWESOME), after our steamboat buffet dinner (which was EXPENSIVE), after Ally, Kev and I were comfortably in Kev's attic watching Paris Je 'taime (which was way too artsy fartsy for after 11pm), a thought came to me. It was sparked by a line from one of the many plots in the movie, even though the three of us were half asleep by the time this sentence found my ears. It was something to the effect of: "She enjoyed the beautiful sunset, but felt sad that she had no one to share it with."
Hmmmmmm. To share with. How wonderful, how mysterious the way that the experience of beauty is heightened when shared. And don't we find funny movies / sitcoms so much more hilarious when we watch them with other people? It just isn't quite the same, watching HIMYM by yourself! (Fine, though I still do look like an idiot laughing at the laptop screen all by myself.)
Piecing together my thoughts from the whole day, I started to appreciate that friendships with people I'm not such natural friends with are actually even more special in their own way. Different as we are as people, we can share things with each other. That's basically what it is to be a friend, isn't it? To walk alongside someone and share with them - laughter, pain, happiness, sadness. Random stories and snippets of your life. There are parts of us that only certain friends can bring out in us. Our differences add colour and expand each other's perspectives. We may not always understand each other, and we may not even always agree with each other's values, but we can still appreciate each other. Whether we have everything or nearly nothing in common, the lowest common denominator is this: the willingness to share, even though neither of us deserves the other. The spirit of unmerited giving and receiving draws us together and binds us together as friends. And the friendship strengthens with faithfulness, shown in time.
All these 'realisations' sound so obvious, but to me, it's like those old clichés about friendship have finally been coloured in with actual meaning.
So...thank you all for sharing your life with me!!!!!!
I want to share more, hence the sudden back-to-blogging (and actually giving you my blog address). It's another medium.
Feel very thankful that you have even read this! Haha.
Until my next post on one/more of the aforementioned topics,
I am,
Your friend,
Mel!
P.S.: Is there still anyone you think that you could never be friends with?