desperation

Dear Lord,

Sometimes I doubt that I really care.
I ask myself, 'What sacrifices would I make to see these people set free?'
In truth, I think I care more about my own comfort, than about their suffering.

So why am I crying?
Why can't I get these voices out of my head?

"If all that you're saying is true, then WHY DIDN'T YOU COME SOONER?"

I read Ross' note on facebook today.
I think I understand what he means, at least a little bit.
Sometimes I am left feeling so helpless
when I remember my insignificance in the world.

I am one.
I am just one -
and alone, I am weak and foolish and corrupted.

Who am I to think I could do any good?
How arrogant, how presumptuous I am to fancy myself
potentially a helper, a rescuer, a bringer of hope.

But I believe in You Lord.
You are infinitely strong, and wise, and righteous.

I believe that in You,
I am strong, I am wise, I am redeemed.

So use me Lord.
Use this weak vessel.

My life is of no use to me, except to know You.

Oh Lord, help me to throw away all my own ambitions.
They are all worthless.
All that will be left of them is a tombstone.

27 MILLION.

27 MILLION of your loved ones
desperately crying out for help.
EVEN NOW.
EVEN AS I WRITE THIS.

I feel as if I cannot wait for me to be old enough
to be wise enough
to be prepared enough
as if it were about me!!!

Hidden away, left to rot in cargo containers filled with human waste, are your children.
Your daughters are being robbed of their purity, their dignity, their humanity, their sanity.
EVEN NOW.
EVEN NOW they are praying that someone will burst in the doors to stop it RIGHT NOW.

In other parts, young ones drown in floods.
In other parts, young ones are told to kill their families.

There is extortion.
Deception.
Violence.

The earth REEKS of it all.

I'm so grieved inside.
I'm grieved at the state of our world,
the state of our relationships.
the state of my own heart.

Lord, I just want to be where You are.
I have nothing to give, but I want to give.
Teach me,
Lead me.

Thank You for loving me.

Thank You for showing me Your heart...

Show Your church Lord.
Break all our hearts, as one.