Those in spiritual maturity, those who live their lives surrendered to God - did they all pass through this break in the road? How did they learn to die to themselves daily? To pick up immediately and get back to the race when they fall down? How do they grow stronger in faith? I know, I know. I know the right answer. By God's grace, by God's power, by utter submission to His will. Which is also by His grace and His power.
So is it that my faith is too weak? Do I not pray fervently enough? Is it that my heart is too proud? Is it that I am too stubborn? How am I hindering the Holy Spirit? Because I know I certainly am.
Sorry to you guys who read this, I know I've just been full of complaints lately. Stress, worry, etc - typical signals that the Holy Spirit isn't in control. Agh. I just want to disappear for one year and try again later. It seems no matter how hard I try, I invariably fail. Of course, by my own strength I will fail. But when I give it all up to God - how - how do I stop myself from snatching it all back!! I'm so tired of this power struggle. Very. Tired. Want to just drop everything, but it all seems out of my hands. I don't know how to accept this freedom that God offers.
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