But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained. - Philippians 3:13-16
God is faithful. Even when I am faithless, God is faithful. Praise God...
For a while now I've been praying for God to take me deeper, to lead me into spiritual maturity. I've been wondering...what is spiritual milk? what is solid food? I want to move on - I don't want to become stagnant, lukewarm. I don't want to stay trapped in the vicious guilt cycle of sinning and repenting again and again - of having it ever revolving around me. My eyes need to learn to look to His purposes. And for that to happen I need to get past me. Because the only thing in the way of God's using me, is me.
Maturity is such a slippery thing to talk about...it's just so closely linked to pride. To be able to look at oneself and soberly judge one's own maturity, it takes humility. More and more I'm finding: my drawing close to God, my clinging to Him - it's all only because of His grace. I only have what I've been given.
Lately I've been very frustrated by sin - the way it keeps me focussed on myself. The way it ensnares me, so that even after I pray for strength, it still somehow stops me from letting God work with me. In these past two weeks I've gotten so tired of the way I've treated God. Initially, whenever I fell away from His commands, I'd come running back as soon as I could. But by and by, my pride and my doubt took over. My pride wouldn't let me take advantage of God anymore. There was only so much dignity with which I could receive grace. (I know, how dumb is this?! What dignity is there before God? And as if I have ever done anything to God other than take advantage of Him!) And my doubt came creeping on as to how long His patience with me would last. I was sure I had exhausted His mercy already. Of the things that prevented me from returning to Him, perhaps the smallest of them was my own heartache at the way I was treating the One who loves me.
And so...what talk of spiritual maturity, then? I could only feel ashamed. I could only see the enormous gulf between God and myself. I'd fallen into the sin of rebelling against grace! How much lower could I sink? Insert here lots of self-disgust and self-doubt.
But praise God for His timely reminders. Praise God that He never gives us more than we can bear. Praise God, that even when I fail Him, He never fails me. He grants not only my prayers, but gives me everything He knows that I need. I am covered by Him so completely. He has filled me with joy and peace and He's been so patient with me...Every bad thing in my life He takes and uses for good...hallelujah!!!! He's an amazing God. In Him I can rejoice even in my weakness and my failings. With Him nothing is impossible - I truly believe this. I believe that He can change me, even me.
His words, His whispers....they bring life. You know His voice from the life it brings. Hearing the voice of God is a lot less complicated that we make it sometimes, and each time you do, it's life-changing...
In the midst of my self-condemnation, I heard a voice: he who has been forgiven little loves little, he who has been forgiven much loves much.
And this is what God's Word says:
God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. - 2 Corinthians 9:8
How amazing is this!! Truly, God's grace abounds. Even for such a sinner, His love, His grace....it abounds.
When God forgives, He does not forgive as the world forgives. When God forgives, the slate is wiped completely clean. His love - it is costly. It cost the blood of Jesus. If you believe in His name, you must believe completely in His name. You must know that you are no longer in sin! When you doubt His forgiveness, His mercy - you are doubting the blood of Jesus. It is nothing to trifle with...
We must let ourselves be picked up everytime we fall down. Maturity...it's the journey toward a perfect faith. Slowly, we must let our faith in Jesus' blood be strengthened, and as it is made stronger, we will be able to see past our own sin and eventually, ourselves. And then we will be able to love as God intended us to love. As He has shown us how to love, on that cross... Whatever need I have, whatever it is I seek, that is always where I find it in the end. In my Jesus, upon the cross. At the feet of Jesus...that is where I want to stay.
Because of His blood, I can move forward. Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained.
Praise God...who guides me and holds my hand and is ever WITH me. I love Him.
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