one and all

Again, I've managed to become distracted.
Again, I've run back into His grace.
Again...
Again I find myself covered by His mercy.
He is so good.

Guilt kept me away from Him for a little while
and mocked me because I'm so unworthy.

But this is what I'm really unworthy to do:
I'm unworthy to refuse Him.

He died for me to be with me. (1 Thes 5:10)
He offers his forgiveness.
I am unworthy to refuse Him.

When I think about my relationship with God,
I can't help but just...ahhhhh
It's just that He is so good to me
and I am so terrible to Him
and I just keep taking
and He just keeps giving
and that's the only way it can work.
I mean that's it -
I need Him. He loves me. End of story.

His love for me just astounds me.
In those moments when I grasp just a little understanding of His love for me -
it's hard to describe...
It's like......I'm humbled beyond humble. I am nothing.
I just feel the full extent of His grace,
an overwhelming rush of joy and amazement...
It's so crazy when you do see the truth about who you really are
and who God really is.

There is still a lot of thinking I need to do...
God tells us to worship Him in spirit and in truth.
I need to delve into this truth,
cos I'm finding how limited my understanding is even of basic things.

And something else...

I spent all of last night and this morning
with my brothers and sisters in Christ.
And yet it just got to me that we were so unfocussed on Christ.
Ok I mean, maybe it just seemed that way to me.
I don't know what I expected, exactly.

But if I think about it...
It just seems like we could be any social group, you know?
We call it time of fellowship - but what is it that binds us together in fellowship?
How is it that it escapes any mention for most of the time?
We are supposed to be set apart for God.
He is our source, our first love, our everything.
Should it be possible for followers of the living God to meet
and then come away unencouraged?
I mean really...

I thank God for Rach - I'm always blessed when I spend time with her.
And yet...it was about 10 minutes
(out of more than 12 hours we all spent together)
before our attention was pulled away by other things.
Not sinful things.
They were good things.
They were fun activities and so on -
They were just not the better thing.
It's a bit like the Mary-Martha situation.

I just think it's kinda sad how we don't fully focus our attention on God
unless we 'block' it into our schedule.
"Worship time." "Bible study."
And even then, do we focus fully on God?
I hope so...

Now I'm ashamed of how I didn't dare to do anything last night.
I had opportunities, and I saw them,
and I could have come up with something.
But I didn't.
That's sad.
That right in church, with fellow believers,
I had to pause before bringing up God. :(

How does the bible describe the body of Christ?
How well do we fit that description?
I love DIJGC, but I think we have to change...
Starting with me.
"And me!" "And me!", cry other voices. (hehe)

May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give us a spirit of unity among outselves as we follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth we may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. - Romans 15:5-6