ups and downs

"All my longings lie open before you, O Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you...For I am about to fall, and my pain is ever with me, I confess my iniquity; I am troubled by my sin." - Psalm 38





I've had another fun week. Two parties, a 'games day', lots of socialising / nights out / etc. But as always, the hype dies down and I find myself back here again, facing my shaky relationship with God, and my looming deadlines.

It's funny how you can spend so much time with people, without actually connecting with people. It's sad how even among believers, there can be so much fun without any encouragement, or any spurring on to love and good deeds. I know that this isn't a nice thing to say about my Christian friends, but I mean myself more so than them. I know I haven't been doing this:

"But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness." - Hebrews 3:13

Instead, I myself have the "sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God." (Hebrews 3:12) So I guess it's a bit of a vicious cycle, cos I find it hard to encourage anyone out of such a state of heart...not that it's an excuse.

Man...I gotta learn not to live in defeat. Pastor JT preached today about us having the choice to assign the degree of difficulty to any setback that we meet, depending on whether we face it with God's capability, or our own. Eg. Ten of the spies Moses sent to the Promised Land declared it impossible to take hold of, two of the spies had confidence that God could do it.

There are many things in my life now I would declare "impossible". Eg. In work, in relationships, especially just in myself and my bad habits, like procrastination, lack of patience, etc. How do I let God work through me? How do I yield it all up? I know He can do it. He's the God who makes the blind see, the deaf hear, the lame walk and the dead rise. He can change me...the question is...how do I let Him? How do I get me out the way?