I haven't been here for a while...so much has happened I don't even know where to start.
Suffice to say...I'm a mess. And I'm in a mess.
I want to go my own way, but I want to go God's way. I don't want to disobey Him in the least, but I already have. I don't know what to do now. My heart just hasn't been wanting Him the way it should. I haven't been seeking Him the way I should. I call out to Him feebly and without much persistence. I hit a ceiling when I pray and I don't feel like even trying to break through it.
I never expected things to unfold like this. But seriously, what did I expect?
I have so much to be thankful for. Like good uni marks, when I seriously don't deserve it, with the amount of effort I've been putting in. All my lateness and procrastination...it's been getting worse lately. Why does God want me to do well? Where is He bringing me?
I have people to be thankful for. Even though I keep running away, someone always finds me in the end. I've been shown a lot of grace.
But I think my heart is dead and ungrateful and blind. I'm tired. I just want to be taken away.
1 comment:
Whatever you feel your heart is like, you are a daughter of God. Heir. Kept by Him. Worked on until completion by Him. Loved by Him.
BTW, great testimony yesterday. I really empathise with everything you said. Thankful that He never lets go of us =).
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