update!

I haven't been here for ages!!

Goodness...how do I begin to describe where my life has gone?

Being in China for seven weeks definitely moulded me. It wasn't so much what I saw, or what I did there, but what God did in me. How quickly he exposed my spiritual poverty. How patiently he taught me to look to him, to call to him, to receive him. I've been thinking about it...and I realise that throughout that time, I was relearning the gospel. Such goodness!! I hope to live the gospel for the rest of my life!

Here's what I've been meditating on:
"For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified." - 1 Cor 2:2

Truly, I want to know nothing else.

Already, three days after leaving China, I'm facing a new set of challenges here in Singapore. I'm finding myself at such a loss for words and for wisdom. If anything, these three weeks in Singapore will be more demanding of me than seven weeks in China. I'm here in a position where I need to lean on God. I'm in a perfect place to put all the theory I've just learnt, into practice.

To ask for and receive faith. To be obedient, even unto death. To live in the present. To love. This is what God taught me in China. Each one is perhaps a long story in itself, yet just the set-up for the practice.

I'm so grateful, that God drew close! If nothing else, seven weeks just to come this much closer to God, was worth it. My faith is so much firmer. Our relationship is so much more intimate. The way I pray has changed! I've never been here before!

He revealed to me more of his heart in such unexpected ways. He explained to me his grief at unholiness and at idolatry, not in words or figures, but through cuts in my own life that resurfaced. I was just blown away, that he would use my pain to show me grace.

Oh....I'm just so weak and incapable and full of failure. I need him so much. I need to keep seeking him, to keep pursuing him with all my heart. I need to remember that I have nothing else to hope for, nothing else to have hope in. I am so glad...that he is such a gracious God. That his hands are so tender. That he even sees me!

God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.

Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

Come and see the works of the LORD,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.
He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear,
he burns the shields with fire.

"Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."

The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

- Psalm 46